I thought about just having the title to this post instead of actually having a post, like when MJ came out of retirement…for the first time.  But I decided to do a personal post…

It has been two months since my last post, and I wish I could attribute my lack of writing to not wanting to include politics in my own blog (true), an utter lack of motivation (also true), or to the fact that the economy is front page news and people who are much better writers than I are writing about things I’ve been saying for the last year, but after giving it a great deal of thought I believe my lack of posting has been due to fear.

I have quite a few irrational fears, and I I readily admit to them.  Walking up escalators that aren’t moving, the sound and thought of metal, silverware or other, against teeth, and roller coasters.  All of these fears are very real things that creep me out for reasons I do not understand, but none of these fears have made me not want to post.  I think one of the things that usually motivates me is what made me not want to post: the fear of letting people down.

When I started this blog it was a fun experiment, it was a personal journal for my own fiscal responsibility that a handful of people I didn’t know might stumble upon.  As most newbie bloggers do, I became obsessed with how many page views I got and the analytics behind it and became determined to grow, and grow I did.  Soon I decided to start telling people about it, I promoted it on Facebook and LinkedIn and my friends began to subscribe, at which point a good friend told me that he thought he learned more about me by reading the blog than he ever knew about me from our 8+ years of friendship.  People started e-mailing me to write certain topics, and friends started asking when my next post was going to be, and the pinnacle was when a Fraternity brother of mine was told to read my blog as part of his internship.

It soon stopped being fun, and it became expected that I write.   I kept trying to outdo myself for my friends and family, to constantly impress them instead of writing what I really wanted to write.  I became scared of letting them down, and instead of I using this fear to motivate me, I shut down.

For those of you who posted or e-mailed me about my absence, I very much appreciate your concern, and I am back to writing.

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