Much like every other kid growing up I looked forward to the two best days of the year…Christmas and my birthday; the two days a year that are devoted to my being showered with gifts. Gifts that I had hoped I would get, gifts that I told people I wanted, gifts that I NEEDED so badly they were added into my prayers every night. In fact I remember my prayer on Christmas Eve 1996: “Dear Jesus, happy birthday, thank you for what you have done for me, I really really really need a Nintendo 64. Please make this happen. Please. Amen. PS, I need Mario 64 too.” (Yes, I really prayed that with all my heart).
I hedged my bets that Christmas and told Santa, Jesus, and my parents because I really needed that Nintendo 64. In fact, without them knowing, I had put my parents names on every waiting list in the entire Dallas area so that as soon as a Nintendo 64 came in stock they would get a call. I had it down to a routine; I’d get home from school, grab the phone book, start calling every area store that might have it, and leave my parents name and number.
I got a Nintendo 64 that Christmas, and I repeated the same routine for my birthday the next May…except the lists were for MarioKart 64 and I gave my Grandparents information. Got it.
People would ask what I wanted for Christmas or my birthday, and I would oblige them with a list that ranged from simple inexpensive things to “reach” items like Sea Doos, classic cars, and boats that I didn’t have a chance of getting. I always knew exactly what I wanted.
This trend continued until I moved off to college. Then, at some point, people would ask and I couldn’t answer. I was lost; I didn’t want anything. I had everything I wanted; and I really didn’t need anything. I started getting confused on what to tell people. I started to become a cynic around Christmas and my birthday because both times of the year had lost the meanings that I equated with them (religion aside). How was I going to get showered with gifts if I didn’t want anything?
I didn’t realize this at the time, but my inability to answer the question of “what do you want” was directly tied to the growing balance on my credit card(s). I didn’t want anything because I always bought what I wanted. With a credit card every day was like Christmas and my birthday combined.
I do realize that I am an extremely lucky guy and I have a good number of people who want to celebrate my birthday and/or Christmas by buying me gifts. Since I started writing this blog I have become much better at filtering my needs vs. wants, and in particular not buying the wants, but I still don’t know how to answer the question of “what do you want?”
Perhaps I can’t answer it because I never let myself get excited about any a new “toy” so if I wouldn’t buy it for myself I don’t want anyone to spend their money on it for me? Perhaps I’ve grown too practical? I often answer the question now with “I need underwear, socks, a toothbrush…” Or perhaps I’m just a 70 year old man in a 26 year olds body. Is this just a fact of growing up?
All I know is that I hope to regain the joy of birthdays and (the present aspect of) Christmas as my son comes of age to start getting excited. After all, aren’t those really the days we wish we were still little kids?
No related posts.
